Lure of the Label

Lately, the call of the high-end fashion label hasn’t just been a little Chinese whisper circling my head. In fact, there’s nothing Chinese about it at all. Think more along the lines of: made in Milan.

Whether it’s the impending due dates of assessments which make me dream more, my newfound interest in horoscopes or my burning desire to be SBS’s Lee Lin Chin’s stylist; I have suddenly taken a liking to high-end labels.

In the past I though Chanel was a neologism of the more correctly spelt ‘channel’. I thought LV was a popular pattern my family in Vietnam liked to use for their manchester. And I thought Targét was a rather reputable brand.

Clearly it doesn’t take anymore than daylight savings and the colour of Michael Jackson’s face to tell me times have changed.

There is some justification of my new love however.

If we all bought one Prada bag, instead of five or Proda bags- the world would be a better place.

Buying good quality items not only makes you consume less as the item’s versatility and longevity will outlast the item of inferior quality, it is also more likely that the better quality bag supports workers and companies who work under ethical conditions and wages.

High-end shopping can be seen as a boycott to all third world, child and sweatshop labour. I guess you could say we’re doing little three-year-old Chakrabandhu from Thailand a favour.

It does make me wonder though… How else will he and his family find a source of income?

Anyway, back to Louis Vuitton. I believe cravings and guilt are what makes us live. It’s probably the only way to live.

Our craving for the weekend gets us through work. Our craving for sex with remotely attractive people pushes us out the door and into a nightclub. And the guilt we feel when we bite into that Sparkle cupcake makes the chocolate icing and strawberry pieces taste that much sweeter.

There’s a lesson to be learnt in the economic crisis- desperate times call for desperate measures.

For example, Kevin Rudd swears on national live television and is almost heroically portrayed as just a normal human being. Right, because his apologies for yelling at a flight attendant for serving an incorrect meal and using taxpayer money to fund a striptease American holiday didn’t quite tell me that he’s a bit dodgy.

Even president Obama attempted to tick all the popularity boxes when he became the first American president to appear on a late night talk show. He then of course decided to insult people with special needs. O ma ma, Obama (couldn’t help, had to include that one!).

Next thing you know, Amanda Vanstone will try to regain popularity too by joining Dancing With the Stars. Yeah- not pretty. There’s a fine line between being obese, and being an insurance liability.

My point is: spending is good. As the government hands out $900 to most of us, we deserve to spend it on luxuries which will make us feel better. We’ve worked damn hard for it. Nothing cures exam stress like a brand new leather jacket. Right?

Now, back to facebook…

Mums Getting the Even in Revenge

The 19th century stay-at-home mum is now a thing of the past as mothers opting to care for their children full time have dropped by 24 percent in the last 15 years.

Research conducted by the UK’s YouGov and uSwitch shows one in three new parents are forced back into full-time work before their child’s second birthday because of the rising cost of living.

This just isn’t fair.

Australian Institute of Family Studies director, Professor Alan Hayes, told the ABC women now need to integrate work into their family life in ways never explored before, leaving 21st century women with a difficult balancing act.

“Many of them are in accountancy or book-keeping, that tends to be one trend that we see, but they often help with family businesses,” Professor Hayes said.

“But it’s clear that they’re juggling a lot of competing demands and probably much more complex than previous generations have had to put up with,” he said.

So with mother’s day just passed, how are we thanking our apparent super-mums?

It seems all Myer and David Jones want to us to get our mums are kitchen appliances.

The department stores want us to spend money on rewarding our mothers on their special day with objects that symbolise their mundane existence, reminding them what a chore it is to look after us.

These same stores that bombard us with celebrity images of Jennifer Hawkins, Megan Gale, Miranda Kerr and Mischa Barton assume that the leading ladies in our lives are less blonde, less fake, less famous, and less criminal versions of Martha Stewart.

Archaic views of the commercial world, as old as any lingering bits of black skin on Michael Jackson, are at an anomaly with what celebrities are implicitly telling us.

In fact, celebrity mums are seeking revenge against the stereotype and appear to be super heroes with super powers.

For instance, humanitarian and actress, Angelina Jolie who also dons the hats of model, spokeswoman and journalist; pours faeces on the archetypal mother.

While most mums walk through the Botanical Gardens with their children on those hideous child-leash, admiring the rainbow and pretty flowers; Ms Jolie graces the war zones of Darfur, shuffles through supermarkets in Cambodia looking for more children to rival the 150 Poke’mon and uses the colours of the rainbow as a guide on who to buy next.

Still on supermarkets, Oscar-winning actress, Gwenyth Paltrow proves her love for the convenience store is rather productive. After settling down to have Moses and Apple, she now plays Pepper in the new Iron Man movie.

Other mums have a knack of turning nothing into something.

Katie Holmes has staged a life resembling the Beaconsfield miners’ escape, having been able to turn the tragedy of marrying a Scientologist into a story of happiness and pleasure by introducing baby Suri into the world.

Similarly, Jennifer Garner has put Jennifer Lopez’s sloppy seconds to good use by marrying Ben Afflek, giving birth to Violet and upping the anti in her career by advancing from an unwatched television shows to unheard of movies (did anyone actually watch The Kingdom?).

But you can’t discuss multi-tasking mothers without mentioning Britney Spears. The mother of two, who stretches the definition of mother to the limits of her nether regions (you’ve all seen the pictures!), manages to create chart topping hits without actually singing and catapults the television show How I Met Your Mother’s ratings without actually acting.

Spears, BS by initial and BS by reputation, is the living example of how the culmination of drugs charges, driving charges, parental orders, court cases and rehabilitation can still all result in a good mother. A court in the US recently granted longer hours in favour of Spears spending more time with her children.

So whether your mum wins awards in acting or sleeps with men half her age, she is nevertheless exhibiting talent, of sorts. And I stress awards in acting, as Dina Lohan recently won the award for best mum in Long Island despite sending her daughter to rehab twice and shredding Lindsay’s career to the state where she needs to create a leggings line and appear as music video extras.

If you take the “er…” out of ‘hero’, you get Dina Lohan.

We can no longer live in this world of denial and expect our mothers to conform as a Stepford Wife and keep buying her blenders and toasters.

My Suggestion?

Silicone. All celebrities and female superheroes have them. They’re versatile. Wikipedia it.