Because I don’t make fun of fat people enough …
Laziness. It’s the workaholic’s Swine Flu. But with Winter well and truly settling in and when lifting up the doona in the morning is like smirking at muffin tops, painful but necessary- maybe it’s not our fault we feel lazy.
So what are the symptoms of being a lazy uni student? Is it sleeping in, looking poorly presented and recycling old material? No, that’s just Today Tonight.
Being lazy can mean making small changes to your daily routine. Switching from brushing your teeth in the morning to a simple Listerine mouthwash is one thing. Switching from having cereal to having no breakfast is another. It’s called anorexia. Or, if you’re over 90kg, it’s called common sense.
While being lazy might give you that initial euphoria, you don’t want to stay in that state for too long. Like everything else, prolonged exposure to laziness may cause permanent damage. Just look at Paris Hilton. And I’m not talking about media exposure.
Laze phases need to be snapped out of so we can embrace happy moments. An example? The 2008 wedding of former fattest man in the world, Manuel Uribe, who weighed almost 560 kilograms.
You know there’s something wrong when your number in weight is almost twice the number of guests you have at your reception.
So while Manuel would have been jumping for joy on one of the happiest occasions of his life, he was probably a little self-conscious. No man wants to wear his wife’s wedding dress on the big day and have a train follow behind him. Especially if that train is loose skin. The only jumping Manuel should have been doing is a jump right onto the treadmill.
The point is, Manuel got off his triple arse and shed almost half his body weight.
Recently the ABS released figures which show that more than 2 in every 3 Australians are overweight or obese. Strength in numbers. Really big numbers.
However, the only reason why the government commissions these findings and has campaigns for us to lose weight is so we don’t burden the shitty health system and so we don’t take time off work which will lead to an even shittier economy.
Government campaigns just want us to keep the six-packed, tight-butted and waxed-chest cogs of the economy going. Well to hell with that! They can take their corny rhetorical questions and measuring tape and strangle themselves so hard their faces turn fluoro red so they actually look like they’re passionate about politics and not just in it for the free flights and an excuse to dress horrendously.
If watching the Logies taught us anything, besides the fact Gretel still has the same stylist from her Big Brother days, it’s that working hard can be dangerous. We have Mr Carl Stefanovic to thank for that.
So I say, embrace the laze- just not for too long. Complacency can result in Four Corners coming along and doing an expose’ on your private life seven years down the track.
Whether you’re black, white, straight, gay, young or old- you’ve achieved something. It’s a bit like food. Take laziness in moderation and small doses. Unless of course you’re obese…
