When Travel no Longer Requires Movement

Ukraine has officially joined the World Trade Organization (WTO), becoming the 152nd member.

WTO Director General, Pascal Lamy, has welcomed Ukraine as a new member, saying that it is “a significant step for the WTO as this new membership will strengthen the multilateral trading system”.

“We will continue facilitating fuller integration into the world economy of other developing countries,” Mr Lamy said.

Ukrainian economic service and commercial head, Volodymyr Baluta, said Ukraine will reassure the WTO that it is ready to participate in the Doha round trade (liberalisation) negotiations and to the process of accession of other countries.

So thanks to global forces we have this compression of a time/space nexus, where the one body who rules over us can be made of many bodies, 152 of them.

This rests on the idea that there are no physical boundaries, making us global citizens who want more, faster, and expect more, more conveniently.

It’s affecting all of us.

Whether it’s the internet connection or people who stand on the right hand side of the elevator, we have an obsession for things to happen quickly. We want to advance to greater degrees in less time.

Our obsession with the Corby family is an example of our craving to want to know everything ‘on-demand’, as well as our love affair with laughing at bimbos getting punished.

During Schappelle Corby’s hearing in 2005 all television networks and many websites had live footage of the decision which saw Schapelle cry as her sentenced as handed down, much like if you took Kate Moss’ cocaine away and gave her a steak.

Schapelle, later in denial, proceeded to prove she is a beauty student after all, touching wood, by hitting herself several times on the head. We all remember that scene.

Schapelle’s case also shows how we can be selective though, as no one really cares about her sister Mercedes’ case against Channel Seven. Testifying you haven’t taken drugs but have only posed with a bong in your mouth is like Paris Hilton saying there was no sex tape but she was just recording her audition for Big Brother.

It’s clear that by expecting to know such copious amounts of information, mainly that which is overseas, we develop a demanding mentality.

This ranges from sms updates of the footy, Foxtel IQ or how Australia’s red-light district has grow from urban streets to entire states- Tasmania. On that note it’s probably fair to say we come to conclusions quicker too (pun intended).

Female rapper, Lil Kim, illustrates this concept of getting what you want from anywhere.

The Lady Marmalade singer who had her Bentley towed away because she forgot to make her loan repayments, helps the global economy buy purchasing her breasts from Denmark, hair from England and lips from the US.

These growing expectations in lifestyle also relate to concepts of space, as migration; holidays; dual citizenship and multinational corporations together with technology shows how one’s sense of belonging is not geographically restricted.

Because travel allows us to cross cultural borders, we are able to undertake exotic experiences. For example, Joss Stone sleeping with both White-Anglo and European men, and indeed any men, promotes multiculturalism and illustrates the concept of being a global citizen. Or a global whore.

Also showing how you can work at one place and have fun at another, is Kevin Rudd.

Rudd’s election campaign last year came to a halt on second base when reports surfaced claiming Rudd had been to a ‘gentlemen’s club’ in Manhattan, Scores. Rudd then scored himself a home run.

He won the election too.

Mums Getting the Even in Revenge

The 19th century stay-at-home mum is now a thing of the past as mothers opting to care for their children full time have dropped by 24 percent in the last 15 years.

Research conducted by the UK’s YouGov and uSwitch shows one in three new parents are forced back into full-time work before their child’s second birthday because of the rising cost of living.

This just isn’t fair.

Australian Institute of Family Studies director, Professor Alan Hayes, told the ABC women now need to integrate work into their family life in ways never explored before, leaving 21st century women with a difficult balancing act.

“Many of them are in accountancy or book-keeping, that tends to be one trend that we see, but they often help with family businesses,” Professor Hayes said.

“But it’s clear that they’re juggling a lot of competing demands and probably much more complex than previous generations have had to put up with,” he said.

So with mother’s day just passed, how are we thanking our apparent super-mums?

It seems all Myer and David Jones want to us to get our mums are kitchen appliances.

The department stores want us to spend money on rewarding our mothers on their special day with objects that symbolise their mundane existence, reminding them what a chore it is to look after us.

These same stores that bombard us with celebrity images of Jennifer Hawkins, Megan Gale, Miranda Kerr and Mischa Barton assume that the leading ladies in our lives are less blonde, less fake, less famous, and less criminal versions of Martha Stewart.

Archaic views of the commercial world, as old as any lingering bits of black skin on Michael Jackson, are at an anomaly with what celebrities are implicitly telling us.

In fact, celebrity mums are seeking revenge against the stereotype and appear to be super heroes with super powers.

For instance, humanitarian and actress, Angelina Jolie who also dons the hats of model, spokeswoman and journalist; pours faeces on the archetypal mother.

While most mums walk through the Botanical Gardens with their children on those hideous child-leash, admiring the rainbow and pretty flowers; Ms Jolie graces the war zones of Darfur, shuffles through supermarkets in Cambodia looking for more children to rival the 150 Poke’mon and uses the colours of the rainbow as a guide on who to buy next.

Still on supermarkets, Oscar-winning actress, Gwenyth Paltrow proves her love for the convenience store is rather productive. After settling down to have Moses and Apple, she now plays Pepper in the new Iron Man movie.

Other mums have a knack of turning nothing into something.

Katie Holmes has staged a life resembling the Beaconsfield miners’ escape, having been able to turn the tragedy of marrying a Scientologist into a story of happiness and pleasure by introducing baby Suri into the world.

Similarly, Jennifer Garner has put Jennifer Lopez’s sloppy seconds to good use by marrying Ben Afflek, giving birth to Violet and upping the anti in her career by advancing from an unwatched television shows to unheard of movies (did anyone actually watch The Kingdom?).

But you can’t discuss multi-tasking mothers without mentioning Britney Spears. The mother of two, who stretches the definition of mother to the limits of her nether regions (you’ve all seen the pictures!), manages to create chart topping hits without actually singing and catapults the television show How I Met Your Mother’s ratings without actually acting.

Spears, BS by initial and BS by reputation, is the living example of how the culmination of drugs charges, driving charges, parental orders, court cases and rehabilitation can still all result in a good mother. A court in the US recently granted longer hours in favour of Spears spending more time with her children.

So whether your mum wins awards in acting or sleeps with men half her age, she is nevertheless exhibiting talent, of sorts. And I stress awards in acting, as Dina Lohan recently won the award for best mum in Long Island despite sending her daughter to rehab twice and shredding Lindsay’s career to the state where she needs to create a leggings line and appear as music video extras.

If you take the “er…” out of ‘hero’, you get Dina Lohan.

We can no longer live in this world of denial and expect our mothers to conform as a Stepford Wife and keep buying her blenders and toasters.

My Suggestion?

Silicone. All celebrities and female superheroes have them. They’re versatile. Wikipedia it.