Heather Mills McCartney teaches us how to be both.

There’s Trash

Heather Mills brings to life the popular American TV show, Desperate Housewives. The media-starved-sell-out blonde has, in the space of half a year, cried on international breakfast television on numerous occasions, failed miserably in deluded self-reassurance/promotion to keep divorce matters “private” and has been exposed by a UK Family Court judge that she made comments “devoid of reality” in his unflattering, much like Mills’ photos, 57 paged judgement.

The Jamie Jurie of gold-digging has recently been competing with Britney Spears in an attempt to decipher who can call the courts their own personal crisis drop-in centre. For Mills though, it’s proved to be more than that, it’s her Centrelink as well. We need to remember that at the core of Mills’ current monopoly, the former glamour model rose to fame doing what she does best. In ‘93 she sold her story to the UK’s News of the World after being hit by a police motorcyclist.

Since the damning court reports were released, Mills first complained about the breach of “human rights” in such private matters. However within hours, a rate I’m sure she is use to, she has completely turned and now wants the entire court proceedings to be released. According to the New York Post, Mills has already shopped around for potential television networks to air her uni-legged dirty laundry and is asking for one million British pounds to talk, and more for the inclusion of private photos and tapes. She sure knows how to ride it hard. A bargain, that is.

There’s Treasure (noticeably a much shorter in length than the last)

However, we must show some respect towards Mills. While most hookers need two legs to make money, Mills is making more than any, having reached a divorce settlement of £24.3 million, with just one leg. One internet blogger suggests that while her ex-husband has been honoured in music halls of fame, Mills should have a hall of fame of her own, and be painted as murals on walls across low income housing projects so fellow hookers can dream big too.

On a more serious note, “ex-wife of rock and roll superstar” is not the only dot-point on her resume’ (although it did score her a place in Dancing with the Stars and as a judge, ironically, on Miss USA commencing in April). Before meeting McCartney, Mills was involved with refugee work and also set up the Heather Mills Health Trust, recycling prosthetic limbs.

Then there’s Heather Mills

To truly be both trash and treasure, your roots need to be trash, but you need the potential to make treasure, yet still exuding a sense of trash. That is was Heather Mills does best.

Mills brings to the table a whole new meaning of being hit by a car and dusting yourself off and trying again, albeit with just one leg. And try she did. It is not common place that a model who suffers from an accident that has affected her looks bounces back up to marry a rock star. With those trashy roots, Mills then tried to Linda-McCartney-up her image and started work with animal rights and veganism campaigns.

On the other hand, it is these treasured aspects that have lead to her current trashy demise. Mills has claimed she had up to £45 million in the bank before she met McCartney and that it is only absent from her account now because 90% of it had gone to charity. However, Mills could not produce any record of money sent from her to charity between 1997 to 2000. And all along we thought she was a giver!

Additionally her tax returns showed no interest earned on any sum anywhere near £2 or £3 million.

Despite all of these tribulations, Mills has managed to turn her trashiness into a £24.3 million estate. Even now, media outlets are equally as hungry for her “exclusives” and appearances hoping to boost audiences. Proof that trash can be treasure.

In a statement after the recent trial, Mills told the media “With my head held high I am glad to be a strong woman and will use my wealth productively and continue my attempts to make a positive difference in this world”.

What a difference she has made. Thanks for the insightful life lessons, Heather.